I really want to say something about my aunt, but I have no idea where to start. Should I begin with the stories of her cooking-challenged students? Or with the creation of a barnyard mafia from playing dominoes?

She's sort of crazy, and she's one of the funniest people I've ever met. She teaches a cooking class at UNL, and most of her students have never cooked before. Some of the stories she tells makes me wonder how her students have avoided earning Darwin Awards.

There was the boy who tried to bake cookies with the oven door open.

He apparently put over-large dollops of cookie dough on his baking sheet. When my aunt came over and told him that the dough would fall off the edge of the flat sheet, he'd have to scrape the dough off and try it again. He didn't. She said that he'd have to stay after class and clean the oven to her satisfaction. A few moments later, she walked past him sitting in front of the (open) oven door, scooping falling cookie dough back on to the baking sheet.

Baking with the oven door open was unprecedented. Congrats, who ever you are.

There was also the boy who made bread soup.

He didn't read very carefully and thought that this recipe (for a loaf of bread) called for two tablespoons of flour.

Three words that should make any college student cry:

• FINALS


• HOMEWORK


• HOUSING

In the last week, I've been dealing with all of them at once. This week, they will all finally be resolved. Hurray for winter break, no?

I know, the flair thing is getting old

Sorry, I was looking at politically charged flair again and came across this one -->

To the maker of this flair: Rape is NOT a choice. Abortion IS a choice. In fact, it's a choice that is very easy to avoid - steer clear of the big, neon, "WE DO ABORTIONS HERE!" signs. So, I'm sorry, but it is only your analogy that is weak and offensive, not the supposed "pro-abortion 'logic'" you seem to be trying to refute.

You know what else is a choice? Keeping the baby. Or putting it up for adoption. That's the whole idea behind being pro-choice. It takes a pretty sick fuck to say that they are pro-abortion. Being pro-choice, on the other hand, implies that you understand that the needs, abilities, and resources of others are not necessarily in agreement with your needs, abilities and resources.

Speaking of resources, the best way to combat abortion is not with pictures of dead babies and threats of violence against doctors or patients, it's by improving sex ed, including adding in the bits about contraception, and increasing effective welfare programs. Either way, it means higher taxes, and we all know how much republicans loooove that idea.

I'm a pro-choicer. And I would never personally choose abortion. And I'd still like the right to make that decision for myself, thank you very much.


EDIT: Okay, it's a little later in the day and I'm not quite as upset about this flair as I was earlier.

I think I should explain something: I don't think life begins at conception. I know that, technically, the fertilized egg is alive. It's alive the way a bacterium is alive. But life is much more than a biological fact. I don't believe that a fertilized egg has emotions, has cognition, or can feel pain...mostly because ALL of those aspects of life are acquired later (it's been proven). Those are much closer to life than rapid cell division.

I should also point out that I don't agree with late term abortions. I know some people would call it splitting hairs, and maybe it is, but to me, they are not the same thing. The morning-after pill (RU-486, mifepristone, whatever you want to call it) is a good idea.

To anyone who thinks that consenting to sex means consenting to having a baby (regardless of whatever contraceptive measures you take), think about this: do you consent to die every time you get in a car? 'Cause even if you fasten your seat belt, drive the speed limit, and always signal, there's still a reasonable chance that you could die in an auto accident if some other driver makes a mistake. There is still a chance that a woman could get pregnant, regardless of however many ways she tells the fates, "I don't want a baby right now!"

I also think that, for a woman who cannot take care of a baby, whether for monetary or emotional reasons, nine months of pregnancy and however many hours of labor is a punishment. A baby should never be a punishment.

So, I'm in college now. I'm meeting all kinds of new people who I have never met before. It's fun. Until we start talking about families...specifically parents. As I'm very certain that the only people reading this are people who know me personally, I'm sure I don't have to explain why that might get a little awkward for me.

I figure that telling someone your mom died is a bit like ripping off a band-aid. You do it really quick, pretend it doesn't hurt anymore, and get on with whatever you were doing.

To be perfectly honest, it doesn't hurt to talk about anymore. It's just really uncomfortable for whomever I tell. Unless they've been through the same thing, they don't know what to say. Which works out perfectly, as I have nothing I especially want to hear on that subject. I really wish that once, I would mention this fact, and the other person would say, "Oh, sorry. Anyway, about exploding monkeys..."

NOTE: There would be no uncomfortable pause between sentences.

I also wish that I wouldn't get a similar reaction when I bring up my mother in front of people who already know what happened. She existed, and had a large impact on my life, and her stuff is still floating around my house, so mentioning her in passing shouldn't be taken as a sign that I'm soon going to burst into tears or share inner feelings of unresolved anger and sorrow. I know better than to do that in nearly all situations. I need to be having a decently serious conversation for at least a couple of hours before I feel comfortable enough to go more in depth than, "...my mom's old #5 DPNs..." (If you know what #5 DPNs are, I applaud you.)

Anyway, that's probably never going to happen. Hell, I even get a mite uncomfortable when I meet people my age who've been through the same thing.

It used to be a sad situation. Now it's just awkward.