I really want to say something about my aunt, but I have no idea where to start. Should I begin with the stories of her cooking-challenged students? Or with the creation of a barnyard mafia from playing dominoes?

She's sort of crazy, and she's one of the funniest people I've ever met. She teaches a cooking class at UNL, and most of her students have never cooked before. Some of the stories she tells makes me wonder how her students have avoided earning Darwin Awards.

There was the boy who tried to bake cookies with the oven door open.

He apparently put over-large dollops of cookie dough on his baking sheet. When my aunt came over and told him that the dough would fall off the edge of the flat sheet, he'd have to scrape the dough off and try it again. He didn't. She said that he'd have to stay after class and clean the oven to her satisfaction. A few moments later, she walked past him sitting in front of the (open) oven door, scooping falling cookie dough back on to the baking sheet.

Baking with the oven door open was unprecedented. Congrats, who ever you are.

There was also the boy who made bread soup.

He didn't read very carefully and thought that this recipe (for a loaf of bread) called for two tablespoons of flour.

Three words that should make any college student cry:

• FINALS


• HOMEWORK


• HOUSING

In the last week, I've been dealing with all of them at once. This week, they will all finally be resolved. Hurray for winter break, no?

I know, the flair thing is getting old

Sorry, I was looking at politically charged flair again and came across this one -->

To the maker of this flair: Rape is NOT a choice. Abortion IS a choice. In fact, it's a choice that is very easy to avoid - steer clear of the big, neon, "WE DO ABORTIONS HERE!" signs. So, I'm sorry, but it is only your analogy that is weak and offensive, not the supposed "pro-abortion 'logic'" you seem to be trying to refute.

You know what else is a choice? Keeping the baby. Or putting it up for adoption. That's the whole idea behind being pro-choice. It takes a pretty sick fuck to say that they are pro-abortion. Being pro-choice, on the other hand, implies that you understand that the needs, abilities, and resources of others are not necessarily in agreement with your needs, abilities and resources.

Speaking of resources, the best way to combat abortion is not with pictures of dead babies and threats of violence against doctors or patients, it's by improving sex ed, including adding in the bits about contraception, and increasing effective welfare programs. Either way, it means higher taxes, and we all know how much republicans loooove that idea.

I'm a pro-choicer. And I would never personally choose abortion. And I'd still like the right to make that decision for myself, thank you very much.


EDIT: Okay, it's a little later in the day and I'm not quite as upset about this flair as I was earlier.

I think I should explain something: I don't think life begins at conception. I know that, technically, the fertilized egg is alive. It's alive the way a bacterium is alive. But life is much more than a biological fact. I don't believe that a fertilized egg has emotions, has cognition, or can feel pain...mostly because ALL of those aspects of life are acquired later (it's been proven). Those are much closer to life than rapid cell division.

I should also point out that I don't agree with late term abortions. I know some people would call it splitting hairs, and maybe it is, but to me, they are not the same thing. The morning-after pill (RU-486, mifepristone, whatever you want to call it) is a good idea.

To anyone who thinks that consenting to sex means consenting to having a baby (regardless of whatever contraceptive measures you take), think about this: do you consent to die every time you get in a car? 'Cause even if you fasten your seat belt, drive the speed limit, and always signal, there's still a reasonable chance that you could die in an auto accident if some other driver makes a mistake. There is still a chance that a woman could get pregnant, regardless of however many ways she tells the fates, "I don't want a baby right now!"

I also think that, for a woman who cannot take care of a baby, whether for monetary or emotional reasons, nine months of pregnancy and however many hours of labor is a punishment. A baby should never be a punishment.

So, I'm in college now. I'm meeting all kinds of new people who I have never met before. It's fun. Until we start talking about families...specifically parents. As I'm very certain that the only people reading this are people who know me personally, I'm sure I don't have to explain why that might get a little awkward for me.

I figure that telling someone your mom died is a bit like ripping off a band-aid. You do it really quick, pretend it doesn't hurt anymore, and get on with whatever you were doing.

To be perfectly honest, it doesn't hurt to talk about anymore. It's just really uncomfortable for whomever I tell. Unless they've been through the same thing, they don't know what to say. Which works out perfectly, as I have nothing I especially want to hear on that subject. I really wish that once, I would mention this fact, and the other person would say, "Oh, sorry. Anyway, about exploding monkeys..."

NOTE: There would be no uncomfortable pause between sentences.

I also wish that I wouldn't get a similar reaction when I bring up my mother in front of people who already know what happened. She existed, and had a large impact on my life, and her stuff is still floating around my house, so mentioning her in passing shouldn't be taken as a sign that I'm soon going to burst into tears or share inner feelings of unresolved anger and sorrow. I know better than to do that in nearly all situations. I need to be having a decently serious conversation for at least a couple of hours before I feel comfortable enough to go more in depth than, "...my mom's old #5 DPNs..." (If you know what #5 DPNs are, I applaud you.)

Anyway, that's probably never going to happen. Hell, I even get a mite uncomfortable when I meet people my age who've been through the same thing.

It used to be a sad situation. Now it's just awkward.

Sorry, I was looking at flair again

I found this on one of the "recently popular" flair pages.


I mean...really? Really?

Love it.

I was just reminded of this by Rachel's post...

Proposition 8 was passed in the same week that America elected its first non-white president. I gotta say, as a die-hard liberal, I have mixed feelings. Apparently, freedom is more selective than we've been led to believe.

I've noticed a few holes in the anti-gay marriage argument that I just wanted to share.

1. I'm pretty sure that making divorce illegal would do more to "protect" marriage than prohibiting committed couples from taking part in the whole institution. After all, it's DIVORCE that breaks up marriages.

2. Just what is the government doing in the sanctity business? I was under the impression that the government didn't deal with that at all, or is "separation of church and state" just a catchy phrase that doesn't mean anything? In fact, didn't Jesus say something rather similar? Something along the lines of, "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's." (Matthew 22:21)? Oh, look at that. He did.

Mostly pointless, but I just had to say...

...that some of the items on facebook's Flair application piss me off. The one that inspired me to bitch a bit here is the one that takes the famous Abbie Hoffman quote, "Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon," and replaces Richard Nixon with Barack Obama. (Yeah, it's the one on the right.)

For fuck's sake. Let's think about that for a bit...

Someone obviously thought that it would be clever to take that quote and make it an anti-Obama slogan. But, no, it was not clever. It's dumb-fucked. And here's why.

Abbie Hoffman was the founder of the Youth International Party, better known as the Yippies. The Yippies were a leftist radical political party born out of the free speech and anti-war movements of the 60's. Hoffman himself was an anti-establishment activist for his entire adult life. He was arrested and tried for conspiracy to incite a riot with seven others during the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago. They were collectively known as the Chicago Eight, but when one of them was tried separately, they were known as the Chicago Seven. Google it.

While hiding from the authorities, Hoffman wrote "Steal this Book," which advocates rebelling against all forms of authority. It also coins the phrase "Pig Nation" to refer to the "American Empire."
"Steal this Book" also contains super-useful information including, but not limited to:
-How to grow your own weed
-Shoplifting tips
-Getting the US Dept. of the Interior to give you a free buffalo
-Preparing your own legal defense
-lists of affordable weaponry and armor (for when the Fuzz come to getcha).
"Steal this Book" has a lot in common with "The Anarchist Cookbook." Just to give you an idea.

But don't think that all of Abbie's wackiness ended in the 60's and 70's! He was arrested again in 1986 for trespassing on the University of Mass. campus. He disagreed with the CIA recruiting on campus, saying that they were engaging in unlawful activities, and thereby breaking university policy. Hoffman died three years later from an overdose of Phenobarbital.

So, to the maker of this flair, respect the dead. Abbie Hoffman would have nothing but terrible things to say about John McCain. I mean, McCain volunteered to go to Vietnam and doesn't seem to have a problem prolonging the war in Iraq. Definitely no Yippie. So don't use Hoffman's words. Find some demeaning quote from someone who might have actually agreed with your anti-Obama sentiment.

Am I saying that Barack Obama is an anarchist? Well, running for president would be a pretty fucking dumb thing for an anarchist to do, so no. I am saying know your shit before you try to be clever.

EDIT: As my roommate has pointed out, none of this is really a big deal at all, but I did mention that this was pointless in the title, so if you feel as though this was a waste of your time, I did warn you.

So...blog...

Not sure what to do with this...but I'll find out.